seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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