i'm signing you up for texting rehab
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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