God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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