U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
