Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
