I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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