I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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