Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
