a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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