Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
