Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
