You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you traded sex for a burrito?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
