fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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