I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize