WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
