is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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