It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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