Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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