she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
