we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
