I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
