Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize