If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Small penises have feelings too.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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