she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
