I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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