i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
