and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
