Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
