phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize