So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
