sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
