so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
