Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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