Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
