I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize