He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
worst night to have a conscience
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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