I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
