when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
