so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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