god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
