my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
