Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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