my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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