i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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