I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
