so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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