I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
