Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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