I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
