oh god the rape fog is back!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
