News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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