i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
