I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
