What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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