nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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