Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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