I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
