I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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