no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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