god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
