Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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