i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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