I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
