My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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