your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
