I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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