I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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