shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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