I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think im going to throw up on grandma
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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