Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
